more heart, less attack

Earlier this week, my sweet friend Alison and I went to see NEEDTOBREATHE's acoustic show at The Ryman. Now if you're unfamiliar, The Ryman, otherwise known as "Mother Church", is one of the most historic and amazing music venues in the United States. During their set they totally unplugged at one point, Gavin DeGraw came out, they all sang "Brother", and let the acoustics carry their voices. Incredible and bone chilling.

However I digress. One song by NTB that I love is. "More Heart, Less Attack" and it is a song I've been reflecting on a lot recently.

I started 2017 with an intention to spread love and kindness, and while I feel like I've done an okay job at that, there is one person that towards the end of 2017 I haven't spread enough love to and that person is myself. 

The past two months have been an absolute whirlwind between travel, buying a home, work, and just life in general. While these things have been inherently good, the stress has really taken a toll on me. I've found myself regressing to old habits, making excuses, and just getting into a personal rut that is not healthy. 

My freshman year of college I was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder and depression. Since 2008, I've learned how to manage it and treat it with yoga, essential oils, exercise, journaling, etc. However, recently, because I've been so "busy" (which I DESPISE that word - but we'll save that digression for another time), I haven't been doing much of what I need to manage my mental health. Heck, I even missed a therapy appointment and didn't even realize it until it was too late.

In "More Heart, Less Attack", NEEDTOBREATHE sings:

The more you take, the less you have
’Cause it’s you in the mirror that’s starin’ back
Quick to let go, slow to react
Be more heart and less attack

As I head home for the holidays tomorrow, it is critical that I begin to let go of the narrative in my head that tells me I'm doing not so hot, I need to be intentional in not taking on more in 2018, and I need to be more heart towards myself, and less attack. We as human beings are works in progress, ever changing, and I need to remember that...we all need to remember that.

As we enter 2018 and the holidays, spread more h e a r t y'all; with yourselves, with family, with friends, with strangers. The holidays can be really isolating and hard; be kind to yourselves, make the space you need, and just be present. 

I am thankful I got to experience this amazing show earlier this week and also an amazing show last night (JOHNNYSWIM!) - it's sparked moments of reflection. 

Happy Holidays all! See you in 2018!