what's in a resolution?

Last year I started this blog looking for a new change and image from my previously used Blogspot page. A lot had seemed to happen in my ever evolving, over-analyzing, restless mind of mine and I declared 2015 as a year that I would "Breathe". I remember it being January 2, feeling completely overwhelmed at the thought of a new year. I had the familiar discomforting feelings knowing I'd have to leave my home again and return to work, feeling the pressure of wanting to make change in 2015, and wanting so much to just for once have a year of calm. The year prior had been filled with transition, uncertainty, high stress, and many ups and downs.

I truly wanted to take 2015 and "Breathe" and focus on myself and my happiness. But as it is, I have found in the midst of doing things that make me happy, I could not help but be more concerned about everyone else's happiness around me. I have always been so consumed at aiming to please and making others happy that I don't think I actually helped myself or what I thought my resolution was intended for.

So did I actually follow my resolution? Well...

I think when I said I wanted to "Breathe" more in 2015, I wasn't really sure in which way and how. Sure I journaled a lot this year, more than ever, and to that regard, yes I found my space. But other times, I'm not so sure. There is so much pressure put on by this, "it's a new year, let's make change" mentality, when in actuality I can make change any day out of the 365 days of the year. I've actually written about this before. We constantly talk about this in my profession, in life, and in more that change isn't overnight. Often times we don't know what change we actually need - I'm figuring that out daily. Last year I thought I needed to breathe. Well duh, I need to breathe to live, anyone does, but I'm not quite sure I knew what that meant.

2015 has been a magical, unpredictable, crazy, up and down type year, In 2015 I dipped my toes in both the Pacific and the Atlantic, I experienced my first hail storm, I listened to Taylor Swift's "1989" over 200 times, I got into the greatest relationship with my best friend on my birthday, I traveled over 20,000 miles (including Idaho!) across the country, I ran 26.2 miles through the streets of Chicago, I went to Disney World TWICE (even though I don't live in FL anymore), I went to over 6 Cardinals games despite not liking sports, I watched three amazing friends get married and even more get engaged, I didn't eat gluten for two months - but then realized I loved pizza and chicken nuggets too much, and I've learned that my heart is all over the country with so many people I love and that home isn't always a place. Is life as wonderful as it may appear to seem on social media? Not all the time- no one's life is perfect, but that's another blog post.  

At the end of the day, if you don't stick to a resolution, by reflecting on a year you can realize that you don't need to, to feel truly lucky. Sticking to a resolution is just an added bonus. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday season and a very happy 2016! Thanks for sticking around - click below to see some of the moments I mentioned above!